A Note from My Scale

scaleI was just laying there this morning thinking. I was thinking about how misunderstood I am. Women will come into the room and get on top of me, they rarely look pleased to see me and as a matter of fact they usually look down and twist their face in unspeakable ways.

Don’t shoot the messenger, I say. My job is to tell you how much you weigh. I was not created to tell you how beautiful you are or to measure your self worth. Heck! I can’t even tell if you’re healthy or not. All I can tell you is how much you weigh. Nothing less nothing more.

Let me give you an example. My favorite gym goer came in this morning, I have been seeing a lot of her lately and for the most part she’s just been passing me by hurrying to classes and home. Today she came in a bit earlier than usual and I could see her eyeing me. She finally approached and I was happy because I could feel that I was going to give her good news, she wasn’t going to make a twisted face and in turn she was going to speak highly of me all day. She took of her shoes and stepped on. My needle started to rise, and rise it actually rose 5 pounds more than it had last time she was on. “Shit!” I thought and sure enough there was that twisted face, the disappointment, The hatred in her eyes and of course the cursing  aimed directly at me.

She stepped off, stomped her shoes back on and stormed off. I’m pretty sure I could still here her cursing out the door. I wish I could have told her that perhaps she’d gained some muscle or that she was retaining water or that her heart is healthier than it has ever been but alas I could not. So I just lay there waiting. Waiting for the next woman, who is looking for me to give her something more than just her weight. But please understand your weight is all I have to give.

A Note to my Scale

How could you betray me like that? I have been working my a@$! off and you tell me I’ve gained five pounds? Seriously? I wasn’t expecting a miracle but no change would have been better than a 5 pound increase! You’re lucky you are owned by my gym, because if you were mine I would have picked you up and thrown you across the room and watched as your parts scattered across the room. As a matter of fact I fantasized about just that today. Maybe I could have even taken you out to the parking lost and driven over you with my car. Don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again!