Santa Stalker Returns

A few years ago, maybe 4 (it’s all such a blur), I decided to bring the Elf on the Shelf into our house. Why not? It’s not like I have anything to do over the holiday season after the kids have gone to bed and I’m exhausted right?  I had no idea what a big responsibility it is to keep the ELF thing going for a few weeks. I also didn’t realize the amount of pressure associated with the said Elf. While I was struggling to remember to move it from one table, plant holder or shelf to another, my friends on social media were posting pictures of their Elf’s elaborate hi jinx , with props and characters and storylines. 

Year two I stepped up my game and too began posting pictures of my Elf doing silly things like drawing sunglasses and a moustache on my sons picture that hangs in the living room and having a marshmallow fight with our Nutcracker and even imitating Mylie Cyrus on her Wrecking Ball. 

Although this was fun and the kids loved finding what the Elf was up to every morning, my older son, who’s more than skeptic about the whole thing, named our Elf Santa Stalker because that’s basically the premise of the Elf who’s there to silently watch your every move.  I also suddenly found myself making up all kinds of elaborate stories about why the Elf didn’t move (someone must have gotten up to use the bathroom as he was leaving and he couldn’t move so he missed his ride) , why the Elf has tags ( because it’s part of their camouflage, if someone sees them they can pretend to be toys), Why there are boxes of Elfs at Indigo (that’s for families that don’t believe, but still want to play with the Elf)  and yes, you don’t  have to tell me that that’s probably not right and I shouldn’t feed my kids all this crap.. blah, blah, blah (and I say that with all due respect) but the truth is I Love the “magic of Christmas” the fact that it’s not real is exactly the point. For 4 weeks a year I get to create something unexplainable, something memorable, something just plain fun.

Except…. after last years Elf run, I made the mistake of putting him somewhere “safe”. So two days ago when it was time for Santa Stalker to make his big return, he was nowhere to be found.  You can’t imagine the panic I felt as I rummaged through my closet, the linen closet, the back of the bathroom cabinets and he was nowhere. My mind started to race. What if Baby Girl realizes it’s December 1st and  there’s no Elf , what do I say? This is where the elaborate story piece plays a part.

Here are the top 3  responses I was ready to give to Baby Girl: 

  1. Are you sure today is the 1st? No, I think there’s a mistake because last year was a leap year. ( I know this makes no sense but she’s only 6 and I could probably confuse her enough to get through a few more days)
  2. Well, since your brothers are teenagers now maybe Santa doesn’t have to send an Elf, since it’s only you he has to watch he can do it himself from the North Pole
  3. I read an article that Santa’s Workshop needs to reduce costs and he had to cut down on Elfs so now there’s only one Elf per street and I guess he’s just not at our house yet. 

Thankfully there was no need to actually use any of those explanations as Baby Girl woke up and went on with her day without saying a peep about the Elf. I on the other hand rushed home, running though the underground PATH to stop at an Indigo store near the Go train station to buy a new Elf. Do you have any idea what happens to me when I “panic shop”? I impulse buy. I went in for an Elf and came out, with an Elf (the Delux set with book and DVD) 2 blankets and an Elf hi jinx kit. Yuppp  you read that right. It’s a kit that comes with ideas for your Elf plus accessories like a candy cane grappling hook, an Elf harness and candy cane coloured rope etc.  My hope is that although I completely over spent, due to my own disorganization, that the ideas and accessories will take the stress over what to do with Elf away and perhaps take with it the need for the elaborate, let’s just call them what they are, lies in order to cover for Santa Stalker’s inconsistencies. I’ll keep you posted.