It’s been a really long time since I’ve written anything except emails. The worst part is I think about it all the time ” I should start blogging again” ” I should write this down”, ” this would make a great post” and so it goes on and on. So? You may ask. Why? If I want to write, if I think about it all the time, if it’s really something I want to do , why oh why have I just not done it? Well let me share with you the top three excuses I have given to myself over the last year (or more)
- I’m not a good writer
- No one reads my blogs anyway
- I’m just too busy
I could go further into each one but I need to make this point quickly (because I’m writing on the GoTrain and they’re going to kick me off soon) Those three excuses all can be summarized into one big reality. I’m scared. Yuppp it all comes down to fear. I fucking hate fear. I hate it because my logical self knows things like fear is all in your head and you have to push past the fear, you can’t let fear stop you from doing the things you love. But my afraid self says ” Yes! Fear is in my head. That’s the problem! I can hear it in my head reminding me over and over that this is scary. Run the other way! push past the fear? Are you kidding me? Fear is heavy. It’s piles of bricks heavy. It’s moving a mountain heavy. In fact it’s like a mountain of bricks heavy!
Today however, I woke up thinking about everything fear has stopped me not only from doing but even trying in the past and decided that writing this blog is something I love to do and I am shutting the fear up. Because once I get down to it the only thing I’m afraid of is myself. I’m my biggest critic and honestly the only who cares what my writing is like. I am so afraid of what I’m going to think of myself that I don’t take the chance to do it. Screwed up right?
So here it is Libertydee, your comeback post. You wrote it. It’s done. And you will hit “post” without over analyzing every word. And it doesn’t matter if no one reads it, or if the writing won’t win you a Pulitzer because you loved it and you pushed that fuckin’ mountain even if it was all in your head.