It has been 7 days since I last raised my voice (in anger) to any of my kids. It turns out that they are perfect little angels and that I am the one with the problem. Who would have thought? All this time I’ve been placing the blame on them. THEY are driving me crazy. THEY are too loud. THEY are too demanding. THEY never do what they are told. THEY complain about everything.
Turns out that THEY are not the problem at all. THEY are kids. Perfect, fragile, kids. I, LibertyDee, I am the problem.
It’s only been seven days but what I have learned in that short time about the kids and more importantly about myself is tremendous. Let me break it down:
What I have learned about my kids:
- They will get in the car if I get in and turn it on.
- Just because they roll their eyes doesn’t mean they are not going to help anyway.
- They will yell less at each other if I am not yelling at them.
- They are willing to listen and are even more attentive when I explain something in a normal tone.
- They really, truly appreciate that I’m trying not to yell. My boys actually thanked me!
What I have learned about myself
- I’m a control freak. I didn’t know this about myself but when I have caught myself getting angry with the kids it has been because I’m not getting what I want, when I want it, how I want it.
- I’m more likely to snap when I’m tired. I find the most challenging times have been right after dinner when all I really want is some peace and quiet but there’s none in sight.
- I am capable of dealing with issues without raising my voice.
- Being respected and being feared are two very different things. By yelling I am teaching the kids to fear me.
- Yelling had become habit. I was yelling without even thinking about it. Now that I am aware of it, it seems unreasonable to raise my voice in the daily scenarios I find myself in with the kids.
As you can see from the list above, They did not need to change, it was not them that was the problem, it was I who needed to make a change and it was I who was the problem.
I know that this does not mean that I have been miraculously cured from yelling and that this doesn’t mean that I will never raise my voice ever again. But if I can do it for seven days why not do it for seven more?
8 thoughts on “Turns Out I’m the Problem”
You go girl! I’ve been trying the same thing at home (meditation has been helping me) and it has been great. If I’m not getting all strung out on something because I’m irritated it helps me to see why my little one might be acting the way he is. He is almost 2 and I can still see the positive effects. It’s awesome! Good luck for the next 7!
Meditation is something I’ve tried with very little success. I just cant get my miond to Shut up! I find getting out to teh gym really helps. I dont know if its the endorphins from the exercise or just that its some alone time 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I was NEVER able to meditate either for the same reason. Turns out your mind isn’t supposed to shut up but I never knew that! You are just trying to calm it a little. If you are interested at all I’ve done a few blogs about it (“Meditation for Dummies” and “Meditation Rocks and if you think you can’t do it then this post’s for you”). This all led me to do this 30 day meditation challenge at the moment. I only do 10mins per day. Sometimes up to 20 but that’s it. I simply don’t have time for more. And apparently that’s enough. Anyway just wanted to pass on that info as I have always been one to say that meditation doesn’t work for me as my mind is too crazy so whenever I hear someone else say it I have to share!
Thanks! I’ll definitely check out the posts.
Oh I’m so with you on this one. We have so much to learn from our kids!
I Find most of the time I’m annoyed for them acting just like me! Reminds me of that quote about being the change you want to see in the world. I guess if I want the kids to behave then I should too:)
Good for you!
Your post actually made me stop to think about my own actions, and you know what? I think you and I are quite similar. I get frustrated really easily and it’s me who is having a temper tantrum. Maybe I should change my blog name from “How to Ruin a Toddler’s Day” to “How I ruin my own day”. 😉
I hadn’t thought about it ike that but your right. I’m the one having the tantrum. My blog needs a proper name I’ve been thinking about “The Guilty Mom”. the more I write the more I realize I’m messing up my kids!